i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
