I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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