he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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