i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
