i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Randomize
