she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I could make wine with my vomit
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize