my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
