Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
ttyl tear gas
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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