areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
only you would photoshop your dick
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
