K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
