Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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