More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
