so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
