I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
