just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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