Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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