Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
