I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
