Are we in a gay sports bar?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize