dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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