dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Swine flu is the new snow day.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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