I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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