Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
