I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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