My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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