dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
