From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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