she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
