sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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