i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
