Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
