I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
