She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
