she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
In America we eat man semen.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
