ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
