The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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