I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
