No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
