Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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