There is no way he is gay with that hair.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
