six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Randomize
