Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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