yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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