i would punch a child for taco bell
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
