it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize