I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I party with great urgency now.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
