He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Randomize