Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
