and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
