He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
