He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
