I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
