Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Randomize
