Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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