She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
