He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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