Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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