The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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