I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
