So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
