Ketchup is God's man juice
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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