Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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