how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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