I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
