I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
