If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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