she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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