it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
